Category Archives: marriage

This is dedicated to my Rib

That’s right, my Rib. Rib is the nickname of my wife Robin of almost sixteen years. I calledcovenant her that in reference to the wife of the very first man.

And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. (Gen. 2:22)

Lately I have also liked the nickname to a command for husbands found in a passage in Ephesians 5:28 & 29.

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

So rib fits this verse as well. For my rib is from my flesh and naturally I would love my own flesh. But this hasn’t been the case always with my Rib. I have not loved my Rib as I love my own body. I have not loved her as Christ loves His body, the Church. So this is a confession and dedication of sorts. I know, as husbands, it is a struggle against our flesh to love our wives in this way. It seems to me that I have allowed selfishness and passivity to reign more in my life than my love for my wife. I can look around and see some of the consequences for that sin. Some of those consequences may not show up until later in my life. But God and His wonderful grace continues to provide me with new eyes to see, and new ears to hear. In His rich mercy and grace, and through my sanctification, He has filled me with a new sense of love for my Rib. Through sermons, articles, and scripture reading, God’s gentle nudging has been making it very clear that I have not been pursuing the kind of love that Christ has for His bride, the Church. That brings me here.
Today I am dedicating the rest of what God provides as my life to pursuing that kind of love for my Rib. I am promising to love her as Christ loves His Church. I am promising that no matter what comes our way that I will love her as I do my own body. I know that my flesh and Satan will try to tear this covenant apart as they have tried in the past, but I will cling to Christ and His strength and not my own. For I have no strength without Him.

Soli Deo Gloria


Posted by on March 9, 2008 in covenant, marriage, Rib, wife


Another Puritan quote

I found this quote by the Puritan Thomas Hooker under the heading of “A Husband’s Dream”. I liken it better to a “husband’s prayer”, for it is my prayer as a husband to my wife. I pray that God will continue to grace me with such a love for my wife.

The man whose heart is endeared to the woman he loves…dreams of her in the night, hath her in his eye and apprehension when he awakes, museth on her as he sits at the table, walks with her when he travels… She lies in his bosom, and his heart trusts in her, which forceth all to confess that the stream of his affection, like a mighty current, runs with full tide and strength.


Posted by on November 28, 2007 in husband's prayer, marriage, Puritan, quotes, Thomas Hooker


I pulled it off …. sort of

This past Saturday we celebrated my wife’s 50th birthday. Yes, Robin is older than me but don’t let on that you know it. I started planning for this party weeks ago and was able to keep her from finding out about it until the very day of the party. It is a feat to be sure. Keeping a secret from my wife is like trying to keep the paparazzi away from Lindsay Lohan, impossible, but I pulled it off…. sort of.

As the day of the party approached I was finding it difficult logistically to get Robin to the party without letting her in on it. We live about 30 minutes from Omaha and most of our friends which are mostly folks we have met from our local church and previous church. In order to get a good turn out to her party I needed to find a place to party locally. My mother-in-law graciously scheduled for us to use the clubhouse of the apartments she lives in which is closer for everyone I had invited. Now I just needed to get Robin to it. Unfortunately my pea brain could not come up with a believable excuse to get my wife to her mom’s clubhouse for the party. So, the morning of the day of the party I approached Robin with a dilemma that I had. It was a bit comical to see me trying to come up with the right words to let her know of my problem and her trying to figure out what was wrong and growing more concerned the more I hemmed and hawed. I finally blurted it out and much to her relief she smiled and then laughed. She could not believe I kept this from her for so long without any suspicions what-so-ever.

The party was a great success and she was indeed honored by it, which was goal. My intention was for the party to be a celebration of her birthday so I used bright colored decorations and a brightly decorated cake. I wanted to stay away from the traditional dirge, you’re getting old, style of birthday party. I think that was appreciated. Many of the folks I had invited came. It was good to see some friends that we had not seen in quite awhile. God is awesome and His grace was evident with the success of the celebration.

Her official birth date is July 25th, so if you are reading this please take the time to go to her blog site here and wish her a happy birthday. 

Thank you.

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Posted by on July 23, 2007 in 50th Birthday, marriage, party, Personal, Robin


15 years and counting

Today is the anniversary of the marriage to my lovely wife Proverbs 31 wifeRobin. It’s hard to believe we have been together that long. We surely did not start out in the best of circumstances but we are sure great examples of God’s grace towards His elect. We had been through more than our share of trials it seemed but looking back at them now, I can see God’s hand molding us. I try to thank God every day for his gracious gift of my wife. I know that by God’s grace on her that she has been able to put up with this geeky, quiet, southern boy from Tennessee. To that I would like to post a portion of Proverbs 31 to the honor of God and my wife.

10 An excellent wife who can find?She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm,all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax,and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the ships of the merchant;she brings her food from afar. 15 She rises while it is yet nightand provides food for her householdand portions for her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it;with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She dresses herself with strengthand makes her arms strong. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.Her lamp does not go out at night. 19 She puts her hands to the distaff,and her hands hold the spindle. 20 She opens her hand to the poorand reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes bed coverings for herself;her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gateswhen he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them;she delivers sashes to the merchant. 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,and she laughs at the time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her householdand does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;her husband also, and he praises her: 29 Many women have done excellently,but you surpass them all. 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,and let her works praise her in the gates.

BTW, have blessed Friday the 13th. Only someone who is ignorant of a sovereign God would be anxious on an day such as today.

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Barry Dean


Posted by on July 13, 2007 in Anniversary, marriage, Proverbs 31


Going to bed mad

This should be avoided if at all possible. Especially married folks. I know this wisdom, but knowing and putting it to pavement is usually not the same. Know what I mean…Vern? Last night I posed a theology question to Robin, my lovely wife, and waited for her response. Now mind you my wife is a very independent thinker. She makes up her mind on things by thinking them through, usually. Only on rare occasions does she react based on emotion. So when she didn’t respond with an answer that was in line with what I had been thinking as the answer. I pressed on with some of the research I had done. Although I believed my research to be exhaustive it could still be considered subjective. After some discussion and some scripture research I still could not persuade her to my way of thinking on the subject. I must have been getting noticeably irritated because she decided the discussion was over. Now I allowed myself to get emotional and drew the “you never think my point on things is credible” martyr card that drives her crazy. Of course this was not a good direction to take the discussion. Do ya think? Well, it wasn’t. I still wanted to pursue the issue but it was falling on deaf ears by this time. In my own twisted way I had good intentions of resolving this before going to bed but Robin would not comply. We ended up going to bed mad at each other. I lay in bed unable to sleep so I went downstairs to watch some TV. It took me a long time to get unwound enough to get to sleep and hence today I am very tired. I had a pretty good day up ’till that point, but it’s a shame that what will probably be remembered is the argument. I need to figure out that a discussion is that, a discussion. I do not need to convince my wife of my view on things in order to change her mind. I have a feeling that what really got Robin upset is that in my attempt to convince her to think along the same lines as me, I may have come across as belittling her opinion. This is the very thing I asked her for to begin with.

So my advice to myself and anyone reading this is to learn how to discuss without making or thinking it personal. Don’t make stupid martyristic (if that’s a word) remarks. If you asked for their opinion, consider it, and don’t demean it by acting like they don’t know what they are talking about. And above all, if you are married, don’t go to bed mad.

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Posted by on March 23, 2006 in communication, marriage, relating


Do we really need Valentine’s Day?

It is my humble opinion that we could do without the day we refer to as Valentine’s Day. I believe it was created by the greeting card, flower, and chocolate industries. Do we really need a day to focus on our special loved one? If we are only doing it one day a year then the relationship is in a pretty pathetic state. My special lady, bride, and mother to my children has already let me know that she would prefer some pampering so she will have her feet, shoulders, and back rubbed and massaged this evening. I try to show my love for Robin every day of the year. I know that sometimes she may not feel the love but it never fails. I realize that because of past offenses it is a difficult thing for her not to doubt my love but that is a manifestation of the consequences of those past offenses. It is my prayer that one day the doubt will dissipate.

Robin, honey, I love you and I don’t need a special day to cause me to say so or show you so. Besides, would a box of chocolate or a diamond necklace really prove this to you? Because of you I have learned to love and have learned how to show it. I will admit that it goes against my bend to express it but you are my helpmate. You are worth more than fine jewels, and I trust you with my heart.

If anyone wants to see my wife’s picture just look up Proverbs 31:10-31 in the bible and you will find her picture there.

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Posted by on February 14, 2006 in marriage, Valentine's Day