RSS

Category Archives: communication

Going to bed mad


This should be avoided if at all possible. Especially married folks. I know this wisdom, but knowing and putting it to pavement is usually not the same. Know what I mean…Vern? Last night I posed a theology question to Robin, my lovely wife, and waited for her response. Now mind you my wife is a very independent thinker. She makes up her mind on things by thinking them through, usually. Only on rare occasions does she react based on emotion. So when she didn’t respond with an answer that was in line with what I had been thinking as the answer. I pressed on with some of the research I had done. Although I believed my research to be exhaustive it could still be considered subjective. After some discussion and some scripture research I still could not persuade her to my way of thinking on the subject. I must have been getting noticeably irritated because she decided the discussion was over. Now I allowed myself to get emotional and drew the “you never think my point on things is credible” martyr card that drives her crazy. Of course this was not a good direction to take the discussion. Do ya think? Well, it wasn’t. I still wanted to pursue the issue but it was falling on deaf ears by this time. In my own twisted way I had good intentions of resolving this before going to bed but Robin would not comply. We ended up going to bed mad at each other. I lay in bed unable to sleep so I went downstairs to watch some TV. It took me a long time to get unwound enough to get to sleep and hence today I am very tired. I had a pretty good day up ’till that point, but it’s a shame that what will probably be remembered is the argument. I need to figure out that a discussion is that, a discussion. I do not need to convince my wife of my view on things in order to change her mind. I have a feeling that what really got Robin upset is that in my attempt to convince her to think along the same lines as me, I may have come across as belittling her opinion. This is the very thing I asked her for to begin with.

So my advice to myself and anyone reading this is to learn how to discuss without making or thinking it personal. Don’t make stupid martyristic (if that’s a word) remarks. If you asked for their opinion, consider it, and don’t demean it by acting like they don’t know what they are talking about. And above all, if you are married, don’t go to bed mad.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on March 23, 2006 in communication, marriage, relating